Why am I an ass?

EXT. PARK. NOON

Birds are chirping. Distant chatter dithers from the background mixed with busy noises of a near road. Young man holds his hand on his face with a sour grimace. Much shorter girl opposes him just a few steps in front, ready to strike again. Although the girl's appearance is rather poor and the boy's clothes represent a certain stature, it seems the girl has the upper hand.

BOY

Why am I an ass?

GIRL

Are you still asking?

BOY

A man needs some explanation...

GIRL

And the woman refuses to give one.

Slaps the boy again, still furious but obviously less vehement. Boy recognizes the softening, but apparently ignores it.

BOY

I just can't see why this thing is such an issue.

GIRL

This thing? You mean, using your cock as a fishing rod and fish all who bite on it?

BOY

I don't like where this is going, but the example fascinates me.

GIRL

Does it? Well, if it pleases you, answer me one thing. Are you enjoying all those minnows biting on?

BOY

Oh, baby. Minnows are minnows. They serve practical needs. 

Girl, being rather shocked by the boy's words takes control over her rage. Moreover, she appears now woeful and tiny.

GIRL

 Am I not good enough to serve the practical needs?

BOY

C'mon sweetheart. You ain't a minnow. Ain't a fish... but like a whale.

GIRL

A whale? Now that's very sweet of you.

Boy realizes his mistake, nervously laughs and tries to carry out a hug, which he fails.

BOY

You know I didn't mean that way. You are a dolphin... A sexy, curvy dolphin. Swimming free in the seas... All the foam around your body. Sunshine glints on drops of water chasing down on you..

Girl reluctantly accepts the hug. She finds some comfort as the boy embraces her from behind. Boy now lowers his voice, and switches to a much more tender tone.

BOY

You are a special kind of dolphin. Your pretty white skin... your swift and flexible body... those curved lines, all suporting perfection. 

Girl finds herself shaking a bit, grabbing the boy's arms with both hands.

GIRL

I can't believe your dolphin-talk just bought me.

BOY

That's my charm, honey. I might be a bad fisherman, but I throw back the minnow and only keep the dolphin. And you know what I do with dolphin?

Girl totally loses it, moanes silently.

BOY

See? I don't ask much. Forget the minnows... I throw them back anyways. I let them breathe. But as for you...

Boy grasps girl's neck gently but with iron hand. She gulps with excitement.

GIRL

B-but baby...

BOY

What is it?

GIRL

What if there is an another dolph...

BOY

Oh, just shut your cute mouth.

Squeezes the girl's face and sticks his lips to hers.

FADE TO BLACK

Eger-Trabzon-Eger

This is a rather free translation of the original. Click if you are lucky enough to understand it!

The title? Nope, it's not a route planner.

Rather a foolish jubilance. This is how I could depict the relation between Eger and Trabzon:

Now that you are blinded by my paint skills, continue reading.

I've always loved to contradistinguish things. I enjoyed comparing Lake Balaton with the Adriatic Sea, chocolate ice cream with lemon flavored, Tolkien with Martin, brunettes and blondes and so on. Yet these are somewhat simple examples. Lake Balaton is better then the Adriatic, chocolate beats lemon, Tolkien owns Martin, and brunettes are always better than blondes, except when they aren't. Problems start to occur once we make two not that obviously differing subject face each other. Raspberry or strawberry flavored ice cream? Beatles or the Stones? Foreign girls or Hungarians? And -finally- reaching the peak of my argument: 

Trabzon or Eger?

Let's ignore the fact that comparing two such obviously contrasting cities is normally utterly nonsense. One is Turkish, other is Hungarian; one is located at the seaside surrounded by proud peaks, other is situated amidst low hills. No matter how I'm contradicting myself, I'll make these two cities face each other. No matter what you think. This is my blog. My rules. It's my bitch. The blog, I meant. I'm running this thing. Just like a pimp. Got it? Get it? Good.

so

I've strolled enough in both cities, with or without camera, equipped with pen and ink, some tunes in my ears. A brief list of the things I think of, there and back:

Eger: joy, universe, la vie, event, accidentals, future, people, air (fresh), fervent, home, wine, book, women, sun, stars, trees, writing, fatigue

Trabzon: grim, bitter, seaside, rain, family, Nalan, tomorrow, Hungary, teaching, health, sickness, death, alone, self-pity, end, growing up, ripening, creed, a fucking celibacy to live in this corner of the world, air (igrenc)

I had elevated my Trabzon exile to a Shakespearean level so gravely that it wasn't fixed with my homecoming. Still, all is bright and pretty now, spring is at our doorstep. Plenty of sunrises and sunsets glamor me as I walk the streets of Eger. It was one of those evenings I roamed throught the town. Night almost fell as I was admiring the last pastel tones of dusk. Our sun had already vanished and the night sky started to take over from the other side of the horizon. Slightly above the trees and rooftops a cold yet sweet sunbeam dithered, warily smoothing the edge of the urban landscape. Blueish, simple color it was, so gently flowing around the pine trees' silhouttes that I couldn't stop myself reciting:

Smooth sky-sea washes
With gentle foam
duh, no
Blue sea-sky embraces
Trees, houses, mazes

Yeter! Yells the audience. But the feeling remains. Why the hell did those two colors amuse me so much? I charge my happiness with unseen rage. I dislike the way I favor Eger. Surely, I must had some similar moments in Trabzon! Nay! Even better ones! Found some proof:

And even

Silhoutess are at least as pretty there as well. But as long as Trabzon sunsets and dusk mean the fall and death of hope (even non-existence of it), Eger only has to show me a lucky meeting of two rooftops in front of blue mood lights and it's already reminding me feminine intimacy. Why?

Why am I chanting Under the Bridge on my way home from the private school, inevitably comparing Kiedis' L.A to my Trabzon whilst I erase every grim and depressing song from my phone in Eger and pump up the volume for all the joyful shit like Sting and Jamiroquai?

WHY?

The diagram above says it all. Nothing else matters.

My eucatastrophe

I wanted a poem out of this, but my Hungarian has been out of order recently. The post is a strange metaphor- one that I haven't solved yet. Now please read; and comprehend.

Create a metaphor.

It has to be about two. I could have tried with one or three, but eventually it's always about two.
Let's draw a sketch of these two.
One is masculinity on its dawn; the other is feminity on its infinite zenith. Not just we've created two characters but we also have a sound antithesis.
Let's pretend they are both stars, if we've already made them act as if they were our Sun. The antithesis receives a boost now. Stars are relatively far from each other. Furthermore, even if we relate to a fixed position to see where each stars "dawn" and "zenith" would be, they won't ever be at the same place.

I sincerely hope you are still following.

Now let's deepen the characteristics' of the stars of masculinity and feminity a bit further. Stars are huge or tiny, differ in color, temperature, brightness and so on. Different planets and cosmic objects surround them. One is lonely and the other one can't count its friends. Actually we don't even need to define how our two stars look like because we know it well that they are going to differ for sure (or not).

Here comes the trick.

We take out both stars from their relevant solar system, and carefully insert them into a place designed just for them. What happens next? Catastrophe. Stars just can't understand each other. They pretend to be in their own solar system. They talk about their own planets, comets and space debris. They don't care much about the other's parameters or if they do, it happens to be something they also have on their own. Now even if they realize eventually the prime and blatant fact (as in being similar) they wouldn't overcome the greatest obstacle posed between them... And that is, dawn admires zenith but zenith only smiles at dawn.

Who put these two in the same space? And why would he do that? What an ass move, god. Sorry for blaming you again, but it seems like you are responsible for all the ass moves in this universe. But I'm putting my trust in you and look more into this splending little metaphor.

There is a good reason for stars not being in the same solar system. Their immense power is the single focal point of each system. There is no place for two... only if, per chance, they bond as a binary star. As rare and unique they are, once they accept the other, they create something exquisite and unrepeatable. Does dawn want to play his chances? Is zenith going to gamble? Eventually it all seem to be impossible and unrealistic.

My guess is that it's going to end as it was predicted before (ie. as a catastrophe)... only if god quits delivering ass moves and induces an eucatastrophe*. And as every protagonist, I can only wish that he intervenes.

Stars might live without a zenith; but I just can't.

*Eucatastrophe is some sort of deus ex machina that turns an almost sure doom into a relieving and happy ending. Tolkien had created the term (eu=Greek 'good'); often used in fantasy and in a certain Hungarian writer's mindset. 

My utopia

Social networks were swarmed with Google's Ray Kurzweil's predictions about the near future. Once again it also caught my attention. While the tech guru has a more gadget-wise approach, I'm trying to give my own foresight based on more general terms. I was sticking with the original articles's dates and combined them with my own ideas. Let the reasoning commence...

2017: Memory implants

So much about not giving tech-predictions. Well, implants aren't a novelty and chips can be positioned in our body for medical reasons. Obviously, the breakthrough will come when data can be linked directly to our brain. Maybe '17 is a bit too early for that, but with the current pace of science and medicine research, miraculous things could happen in the coming years.

2018: Drugs are widely accepted and legalized both in sports and societies

Initially I wanted to say that professional athlete associations are publicly accepting the usage of certain performance enhancer products under strict surveillance. No more Lance Armstrong "scandals", no more complaints about "how the hell he did that, it's abnormal". Today, the challenge for drug researchers is about how to dodge the inspectors and tests; in a few years there will be a legal market for competition between providers. The other aspect is the widely legalized drug usage. It's already happening in some countries and states in the US as well so it's not a Nostradam-like prediction. Like it or not, but it would also decrease crime rate and would hopefully bring a relief in tight and grievous struggles such as the Mexican drug wars.

2020: Israel would play a prominent role in the greatest war of the decade

I mean, the decade starting in 2020. Yeah, we all hear about the ongoing struggles in the Middle East.  It's been a wasp hive lately, and it isn't getting any better. No, it won't be as lopsided as it was back in 1967 during the Six-Day War, but it will include several participants not from the region. And what is at stakes? It will either settle down the differences or shatter either Israel or Palestine. These two nations' strife is a microcosm of international politics of the post-Cold war era.

2023: Nuclear power emerges as the undisputed no.1 source of energy

Be it green or not, most people imagine our future energy based solely on renewable and non-dangerous sources. Wind and solar power plants, biomass and so on: there is serious lobbying everywhere for the green sources to take over. While oil is running out, nuclear power seems to give us infinite energy. But who wants to spend 2.5 times more money for solar power plants which produce 5 times less energy than nuclear power (2018 estimate)? The dangers of nuclear power are exaggerated under the magnifying lens of environmentalism, but time will show that there is nothing safer and more effective than practically having tiny suns on Earth. For more on the matter, click here.

2030: Man on Mars

Yes, we all heard about the Mars One project and as much as utopistic it sounds I believe people don't give enough credit to the idea of conquering the red planet in a few decades. Be it Mars One or some other intergovernmental alliance of tech companies/ research facilities, Mars is our next big step in exploring the the world outside of Earth since 1969.

2033: Contact

Let's shoot for the stars here- literally. We'll witness humanity's greatest milestone since Viktor Orbán was first elected back in '98: contact with extraterrestrial life. Okay, before you jump from your seats, I'd like to point out that extraterrestrial life could mean just some random microbes frozen on Saturn as well as 5-meter tall, 8-limbed predators hungry for human brains. We'll see. But our doings can't go unnoticed as we, as a race develop with such haste.

2040: New religion

Here, the prophet tells you this: there will be a new world religion emerging. It's not scientology (I don't believe in aliens since X-files was finished), nor creationism or any nonsense like that. Even I trust science will eventually take over/ blend with religion eventually, humanity isn't mature for that. And until then, a modern age prophet will appear somewhere. The age of strife and need always created an escape plan to unify the people; don't ask me about the details and whatnots, but it's coming.

If you are hungry for a more philosophical approach, check my post from almost a year ago. Click.

God hates us all

You and me, again. It's been a while since we've last met. I must say you look the same. The exact same bastard.Yeah, god. Don't try to make things pretty. I'm not making things pretty either. But I'm just a human. Your human, to be accurate.
So you know what? I was walking home. Muddy streets and shitty mood. I found your house. That's how sentimentalistic people call a church. House of yours. It was close, you know. I really wanted to get in. Like California, I just get in front of your son and murmur a couple of hail marys and I'm good to go. But this is Eger now. Your house was closed. I consider that a slight offense.
So I just stared at that weird building of yours. Do you really fancy that? It makes no sense to put your believers in a house with a tower. Are they feeling any better inside? I couldn't even get in!
God, you have some serious making up to do. If you actually care about any of us, you should be listening all the way I'm getting home. I was talking to you a lot, I even asked for some lightning bolts strucking me. Well, I trust you had better things to do than burning my ass.
I took that personal. I'm your human. And as such, I should call your name anytime I want.
But you aren't responding! You just leave me be, with my twisted thoughts and explanations of my actions.
I truly dislike you for that.
But what do I like you for?
No idea.
Peeps, god hates us all.

Memento of a secret sorrow

I adore good lyrics. They are what poems are for people of the past centuries: I could recite them anytime accurately. The only thing better than that would be filling out the blanks, ie. what each line makes me think. Here I present Sting-Hounds of Winter combined with Peter (Sting in italics, Peter normal)

"The Hounds Of Winter"

Mercury falling

I rise from my bed,

So it's just another damn morning. It's freaking cold. I hate waking up early.

Collect my thoughts together

I have to hold my head

Allright, it's not just another damn morning. There has to be something wrong out there. 

It seems that she's gone

There we go. It's again about Her.

And somehow I am pinned by

The Hounds of Winter

Howling in the wind

Even simple things annoy me.

I walk through the day

My coat around my ears

I told you it was cold.

I look for my companion

I have to dry my tears

It seems that she's gone

Leaving me too soon

It's always too soon. It"s always too late. It's never in the right time. Poor me. 

I'm as dark as December

I'm as cold as the Man in the Moon

Just some rhetoric shit to explain how bad I feel.

I still see her face

As beautiful as day

Her face was actually more beautiful than day.

It's easy to remember

Remember my love that way

Sure, linger on the moment that has already passed.

All I hear is that lonesome sound

The Hounds of Winter

They follow me down

Damn those dogs.

I can't make up the fire

The way that she could

I spend all my days

In the search for dry wood

It's all cool getting out of my life and taking the lighter of my heart, bitch.

Board all the windows and close the front door

I can't believe she won't be here anymore

Locking myself up seems definitely a good idea.

I still see her face

As beautiful as day

It's easy to remember

Remember my love that way

Time to burn those photos, Peter.

All I hear is that lonesome sound

The Hounds of Winter

They follow me down

Damned dogs.

A season for joy

A season for sorrow

A season for joy, infinite seasons for sorrow.

Where she's gone

I will surely, surely follow

I just wish...

She brightened my day

She warmed the coldest night

She took the lighter! Burn her photos!

The Hounds of Winter

They got me in their sights

I'm ending up as puppy food.

I still see her face

As beautiful as day

It's easy to remember

Remember my love that way

I would never forget you, even though bitch is the most proper word to refer to you.

All I hear is that lonesome sound

The Hounds of Winter

They harry me down

I'm done. That's what you get when you steal my heart, its lighter and the only thing you leave me by are some damn photos of your pretty face. Damn you, woman. Damn you for ever. May the Hounds of Winter come for you once and harry you down. Down to cehennem.

The appetite

So many words. Unspoken. Thoughts. Meant to be said. They all roamed through my brain and my fingers.

Speaking of which, slippery fingers I got.

See, I just dropped my last piece of bread covered with some sauce.

What does this tell you about? Well, I'm apparently clumsy with stuff when I get home drunk.
Apart from that, I dropped it on my headphones. All soaked with mayonnaise. I'm definitely not using them tomorrow.

Now, I' chewing on the remnants of that bread. I would say I'm happy. If happy means joyful. Well, then I'm happy. So take a look at me. I'm still 24. I have a life, as they say. Issues I got, issues I solve. But I have bread and mayonnaise. And a place to drop that fucking bread. With mayonnaise. Little things, isn't it. You got to enjoy them.

God, what's the point of all this? Some struggle for daily living and my biggest concern is related to women/ writing. Pathetic. I would love to fight for food. Not like Tesco discounts. As in man-to-man, ultimate showdown, winner takes it all. Losers get shit. See, I'm not that comfort-seeking eventually. I just want to keep on tasting life. Cause at the end, your appetite will judge your character.

All the rest is bullshit.