A matter of belief

'Not that I really believe in things like that, but my son is a Virgo and he is so neat and clean all the time!'
'Actually I don't really think zodiacs speak the truth but I'm Taurus and I'm also a bit disorganized.'

Just witnessed this conversation today in our office. Why do people believe in the power of zodiacs? Why would we even think that 12 signs could give you a more or less correct assessment of who you really are? Chasing the naswer on a dull Sunday at the office, I'm trying to figure out the answers.

Classic astrology dates back to the age of the Babylonians. These guys had some impressive knowledge on the world surrounding them which involved many fields of science. Hence astronomy was born and the well-know zodiac, the ecliptic which is divided into twelve equal parts. However the Babylonian ladies weren't that much into the tabloid-style zodiac so the real basis of today's horoscope was laid by Greek astronomer Ptolemy. Not that he really knew where this was going: the renaissance era and the following centuries has quietly separated astronomy and astrology from each other. And as the 20th century began, Westerners started to confuse the two terms as astrology had been appearing on the last page of tabloids and other weekly papers.

So what's up with this astrology thing today? Probably those Babylonians and Ptolemy would die of instant heart attack if they'd see how the scientific astrology has shrinked to nothing. A Western citizen identifies astrology with those twelve signs that "tells you who you are"; women seriously choose partners or end relationships based on constellations; and we are just sitting here, trying to comprehend what's going on.

Despite of the lengthy lead-up, I won't answer these questions with giving a scientfic explanation for all of this. Anyhow, it's a bit like the ever-green God-debate: if one says "you can't prove that, you gotta believe/ feel it", the time you've spent trying to find precise explanations is just wasted. So yeah, astrology (modern term) is something like this: you either believe in it or just laugh at it.

Just think about it. You have 12 signs. 7 billion people on this planet (estimated 100 billion since humanity has appeared). Now, all these signs have different attributes. Leo is passionate, creative, moody (that would be me) and all the rest eleven have well-defined characteristics as well.  So you have two choices. One is to believe that these descriptions fit you, a bit pre-determining your acts. And the other is to realize how impossible it sounds to have certain features based on your zodiac sign. Say, as a Leo I can't be neat? Or I can't be organized? Or antisocial?

'Of course you can' screams the zodiac girl, saying 'your sign isn't restricting your character, it's just a basic outlay of your person'. Right, now it all makes sense. But what if my caring personality also fits Virgo? No doubt I love taking care of someone I love. So? Virgo does that as well, I'm sure other signs do it.
'Oh it's your constellation. You have a secondary sign which is responsible for secondary features.' yells the girl and I'd punch her in the face.

It's just another belief. When we evaluate someone's personality, but we have no idea why he/she acts like that, it's way too easy saying 'ah he/she's Pisces' or 'Taurus are always like that'. This astrology thing is a bit like the tiny, less dangerous form of religion. Why? Here is the explanation. Comparing 'God' and modern 'astrology':

1. You have to believe in it because
2. Scientifically there is no consensus on it
3. You explain things you don't understand with it
4. You explain other people's deeds you don't understand with it
5. It's your personal philosophy
6. You can't really work out relationships if your partner doesn't believe in it
7. You can't really work out any kind of conversations if others seem to disagree
8. The deeper you go into the topic the better/healthier/wiser you'll feel

Assembling this list I realized the same goes for global warming, Justin Bieber fans and thousands and thousands of people believing something. But before enraged readers hurl rocks at me, I must say that belief is a beautiful honour and probably the best motivation power ever! We just got to stay sane before becoming blind to see that what we believe in is crap.

Okay so here is this guy telling you wise things about belief, astrology, criticizing everything and everyone, so what does he believe in?

1. Family
2. Nature
3. god (obviously not in religious aspect)
4. Humanity (ok, not belief, more like hope...)
5. talent
6. love.
7. arts
8. túró rudi

Hope it was satisfactory. Yell and scream in comments.

Brief report about the past months

I have been most disrespectful for the past few weeks, even months. Not a single post for such a long time, and my readers just starve through this dry summer without balatony writings! Yeah it's probably not a big scarcity but here is the post you have been waiting for such a long time.

Summer is almost gone, my job is almost done here in sunny Fonyód. As september approaches, life looks hazy and unsure again. I have a little journal to collect my thoughts somewhere and an old typewriter. to complete the hipster image. Anyhow, these lines were written just to prove that I haven't given up on this writing mission of mine.

Truth be told I should be taking this mission a bit more serious. Or any mission. After finishing Hesses's Steppenwolfe lately, I had to realize I'm the same damn coyote from the book. The guy who pretends to know everything and loaths society, whereas he doesn't even differ a bit from the ones he hates. So, as I identified myself once again as a suffering character of a novel, something rang the bell. What if I just start caring? It's so fucking easy to step up for yourself, for your dreams! And faith is the only thing needed.

As I was chatting with dad (those summer evenings with a wine on the terrace) once, he said that life is in the East. And making your dreams come true won't work in the West. What he said is a really simple idea: the Western world got competetive as hell, talented people race for positions, talented people win while many lose. But little Peter, he said, you just don't have that plus motivation to compete with others. You have the talent to bloom, to fly- but only free. And your hands are bound in Europe, he said.

Is that it? Am I really that spontaneous bastard popping up in a random Eastern country and forging his own luck? I guess we'll find out soon enough. At least now it isn't a woman influencing me to make the right (wrong) move.

So hey Istanbul! I'm coming once more.

The Turkish Spring?

It seems like the ever dull Trabzon came to life the moment I left. Some of you may have already heard of the riots all over the country and although international media reports about the greater clashes on streets of Istanbul, Ankara etc. we must not forget about the rest of the cities.

A brief explanation of how and why it started.

The planned (and launched) destruction of the last green patch (Gezi Park) in Istanbul's busy centre induced the first protests. However the lately accepted law about alcohol consumption had also been named as one of the main causes. The rest is more or less known: hundreds of thousands of anti and pro-government civilians and policemen are continuously fighting on Turkish streets, leaving hundreds of injured and already 3 dead.

As every major protest, the casus seems minor but after ten months spent in Turkey it's nothing surprising. The governing party (AKP) which appeared as a rather democratic organization back in 2003 when Erdogan was first entered his office as PM of the country. Lot of things had changed ever since and many voices show concern about Erdogan leading Turkey towards an Islamic state rather than continuing on the path of secularism.

People of my age had been constantly concerned about the road Erdogan is steering towards, however Trabzon had always been conservative enough to prevent any serious anti-government move. Until now. A dear friend of mine, Eren had written a rather desperate email with their situation. And as we have witnessed it during the events of the Arab Spring,  the power of social media seems to be the heart-and-soul of the protests across the country. While the local media keeps silent and the international broadcasters fend off the touchy topic the online media has once again showed its importance. Without further ado, the pictures of the demonstration in Trabzon:

Banner on the main street, demanding the government to resign. The words had become the slogan of the protests.

Main street again. The promenade "Uzun sokak" fades in the background so as the crowd with it.

Protesters in Meydan park around the statue of Atatürk. Many believe the government had long left the values of the founder of the republic.

Some signs don't need translation. The sharp turn Erdogan had taken since his re-election in 2011 resulted masses calling him as dictator.

"Is war that you want Tayyip?" threatens the sign. Hundreds and thousands have been out from the first day across Turkey, 20.000 in Trabzon.

"You can't be nice with gas" derived from a known Turkish saying. Police brutality had been particularly high and unreported, especially on the usage of tear gas.

Ilker who is also a Trabzon resident speaks of a peaceful demonstration which was interrupted with smaller fights. According to him police violence isn't significant while pro-government activists are the real troublemakers. This was confirmed by an ex-student of mine who was peacefully protesting with her friends when a group of pro-governists attacked them.

Today the streets are quiet and only small groups protest in Trabzon, says Ilker again. People are afraid to go out as provocateurs and police dressed as civilians throw stones and molotov coctails into the police ranks, depicting the peaceful protests as a herd of savages. And even the smaller cities seem calm now, Turkey itself won't stop anymore: the government and Istanbul's mayor predicts a fast end of the events but the masses seem to deny them each day.

Turkey's Spring has just started, and once it's loose the anti-democratic acts of government won't go unpunished.

Farewell

It's a sin

The post where some may stigmatize me as a die-hard atheist.

So the topic is sins and sinning, and as such I must start with emphasizing how much of a nonsense it is.
First of all, humans were created (well, not by god) as peccable entities or with other words, being capable for making mistakes. True or not, as we cheat on each other, lie etc. we commit the mistakes that may possibly reshape our life and our character. We tremble and we fail but we learn each time from our mistakes. And may the mistakes either overcome us or surrender at our feet, our lives are constant battles with our own liabilities. And it's good and proper that way.

And that's were the term 'sin' comes into the picture. A word that is -supposedly- mightier than 'mistake'. The word that doesn't originate from simple human beings but from a transcendent power above us. Practically, sin is a revelation of god and as such should be followed by all who fear him.

Now this makes our situation pretty much fucked up. The atheist has the convenience of not worrying about sins. It's more than enough to face our own defects without messing up things with god and his promulgated sins. But what about the believers? The billions of people, with the shackles of sin chained to their limbs and around their necks?

Well, let me derive the issue through a simple example.

There is a muslim woman. She always believed in the existence of god. She have been praying since her childhood. One day this woman cheats on her husband. The 'why' is not important. She wanted something new or she was just horny enough to do it. After all, she still believes in god but the sins she had committed makes her a liability. Knowing this was one of the worst sins of all she is perfectly sure forgiveness is an unattainable thing. She lives the rest of her life knowing she will certainly get to hell.

Well, this is how an atheist without any compromises imagines the situation. However I'm very much aware of the fact that believers could easily tear it to pieces. Firstly, sinning doesn't automatically 'grants' you the ticket to the hell. You may balance with good things so at the end when god's final judgement is upon you, you still have the chance for getting to heaven.

But the real deal is about forgiveness here. If we sin, we make god furious but we can redeem his kindness with good deeds. Practically this is the same for atheists as well: you make mistakes but correcting them ensures yourself that you are in balance again. Well, then what's the point in it? Why do we need the myth of this mighty, fearsome guy watching above us? Can't we just simply make our mistakes and then try to learn from them?

Nope. We just have to have him, a being so great and unreachable that is beyond our imagination. We live our humble lives according to one of the holy books, filled up with teachings coming straight from this fearsome creature. What a divine and holy link between creator and creation.

Hereby I would like to cite a conversation with a good friend of mine. A muslim herself, she has some doubts on her mind but during our discussions she represents the believer, while I... well, the other side. So here is what we talked about.

Starting with suicide, she mentioned a passage from Qu'ran that a sane man committing suicide is a great sin. Meanwhile, if a man with a hazy mind (well,mentally unhealthy? I have never been good in politically correct language) does the same, he shall be forgiven as he isn't aware that he sinned. Say what?

So practically, you may sin as you like as a mentally sick because god is merciful towards handicapped people. Well, let's face it: if you are handicapped on Earth you will be handicapped in the afterlife as well. But at least the term 'sin' won't apply for you. The term which, by the way was created by sane people. When I mentioned about this to my friend (as in: the holy books written by over-represented human beings) she told me the following (I must say I haven't read the Qu'ran and only passages of the Bible which would make a good point if I was criticizing the book but here it's about the origin of it).

Angel Gabriel gave the teachings to Mohammed who was writing the holy book for years after this encounter. So basically the unreachable fictional character (god) gave laws to another fictional character (Gabriel) just so he can give it to a real person who would later create the book which is followed by a billion nowadays. This just leaves me astonished. Why is god such a douche?

Man, you created us so why do you have to use your servants to teach us? You know how human nature is: we are curious and we doubt. So if you play hide and seek, many will part from you and never believe your existence. Seriously, why do you have to raise a few prophets out of the crowd (with the help of your angels) instead of just simply descending from the clouds and saying hi to all of us?

Atheists would shut their mouths forever, believers would be joyful and world order would be set. I would be honestly really happy. But no: you have been keeping silent since Mohammed's actions in the Middle East. That is like 1400 years without a remarkable event and please don't say we drifted away from you so far that you can't send your next prophet, son, or final judgement.

The thing is, god, that you must have seen the same thing happening earlier. The mighty Greeks with their gods sitting on the top of the Olympus had become just a mythology fueling Disney movies. Do you also want to become a Pixar animation in the next century? People forget, and you have to be aware of it. The lane humanity switched to is swifter than ever. Technology will soon (or already does) confute many practical beliefs about your existence.

(...)

I'm just saying, god. You better watch out and start interacting again with your most precious toys once more.

on the edge

Something usual. My mood, as it is. Awakened by the song: click and read!

And if i fall would you hold me?

sun shines through the leaves. im six again. we are walking home from the kindergarten. my mom is holding my hand. the street we walk on is lit by gentle and barely warm sunshine... i kick up the leaves. im fooloing around: i touch the fence with my fingers as i ran aside. im happy.

Would you pass me by?

i wear a blue hat and scarf. my grandma knitted it. but its not important. i find an old matrasse. climbing on it i start jumping up and down. im even happier.

I stand on the edge of the broken sky

now im home again... the sun could lit our living room with an eternal beauty. something that cannot be taken away from my childhood. as i sit at the kitchen table, im drinking some milk. with cocoa. i used to love it. my father is playing the piano now: my mom is not home. they are about to divorce.

So confused,
my thoughts are taking over

he is playing a beautiful tune. as he always does! as im drinking and listening... i start crying. i dont know how the tears came, but my dad jumps up with inhuman speed (as he always did when i started crying). he is almost shouting 'did you bite your tongue'... im crying and he cant sooth me.
how can i explain that the sun  is so beautiful? that the bright living room, with him sitting at the piano and playing that melody was just perfect? that i loved sitting and drinking my milk? as he hugs me tight i realize how much i scared him.

Would you pass me by?

he decides he gives up everything that day. the suit that had been going on for months about our flat, and everything else was given up. just because of the sunshine, a piano and a glass of milk.

And if I should fall, would you hold me?
Would you pass me by?

Would you believe that an adult can cry as he sees the sunlight? as he hears a melody he likes. as he remembers his family.

 or just: when he doesnt know how to finish writing.

My mind is playing tricks with me

We use only 10% of our brain.

A few years ago I was amazed by this overused fact. Already having an interest in mysticism through a philosophy school I attended earlier, I was constantly looking for a way to enhance that lazy 90%. I could write a lot about how I tried to use my psychological issue, the sleep paralysis to take my brain to an uncharted territory but for the moment I'll attempt to stay with more common examples.

During my studies I got pretty close to gonzo journalism and particularly to the life and work of Hunter S. Thompson, father of the genre (gonzo is when the writer uses mind-altering drugs which results extraordinary writings). Well, I was only experimenting with Hungarian wine which proved itself a worthy companion on my road into the unknow lands of my brain. I loved escaping parties in Eger without notice just to get home and type a few lines.

Soon enough some feedbacks made me clear that wine is not necessarily increasing my brain capacity, more like pushing it down. As some posts included parts where I hit the keyboard with my head ('bhkadhrfblrhıbavhleb') and I even considered it as a piece of art by the time when I created them, I had to realize imagination and brain shouldn't be combined with alcohol in order to reach another level.

(...)

I used to lay down on my bed in Szentendre. The rooftop window was just above my head which made stargazing an easy and awesome experience. So here is how my brain messed things up in a morning. As I opened my eyes I could see the light blue sky without any clouds on. But something was wrong. There were tiny, greyish spots on the sky. I just couldn't figure the origin of the mysterious points. My brain was telling me they were stars. But it just sounded nonsense. I learnt it long before that start cannot be seen during daylight. Our Sun is just too close and the stars are too far. However, since I always stargaze from that spot, and the sky was particularly clear, I started to think that my sight is so sharp that I'm really able to spot the stars hiding behind the light of the sun. I was staring at them in awe.

The moment of truth came when I moved my head. The little spots were on my window. Well, I haven't had it cleaned for some months. With dreams broken, I cursed my brain for playing the trick on me.

But what would happen if we'd use 30,50,70 or even more of the grey matter? An icomplete list of all the stuff I could think about with that 10%:

- No religions:
With a perfectly rationalist mind which can explain all the questions around us we certainly won't need a being who listens to our cries and gives us shelter. Why? Cause we'd be too smart to get too desperate or long for guidance.

- No passion:
Sometimes our brain is simply not dominant enough to say 'no' and our heart gets the upper hand. With a super-brain? No way emotions would lead us to reckless decisions.

- The death of the system of economy and governments; the fall of 'world leaders'
When everyone ıs equally genius, it becomes tough to decide who gets into which position. This should result a world where everyone is equal and money and hierarchy are non-existant.

- Golden age of science:
It's hard to argue that the only thing moving humanity forward is science. Thus, a world consisting only high-capacity brains should result a sudden boom in answering the eternal questions.

- Arts morph with science and everyday life:
As the passion is gone, the main reason dies which used to ignite masterpieces over thousands of years. Art gets degraded to the level of convinience, such as designing (clothes, houses, devices) where it can serve us in a useful way.

I can surely say with my ten percent that it sounds like a dystopia I'd never like to live in. As our brain could take over our emotions we'd become something inhuman, something that sci-fis depict as wise but cold androids or computers (see HAL for instance).

And as it's our nature that we are curious about everything, the super-brain would probably kill curiosity as well. So I have to apologize, Mr. Lennon, but (y)our vision of a better world should stay as a fiction forever.

I love my world with all the hate, the sorrow and woe, wars and lies in it. But what I love the most is the 10% that sometimes lets me down, sometimes turns me own, but never, never leaves me alone.